(photo by Megan Tibbs)
Some days I feel like I have an angel on one shoulder and a devil on the other. You have seen them in the movies, haven't you? The angel whispers encouraging, positive thoughts in one ear, while the devil sits on the other shoulder saying negative, discouraging things.
Sometimes I hear, "This is the coolest thing that will ever happen to you. Having a child with Down syndrome is going to make your life so full." Other times I hear, "This is the only time in his life he is going to be like everybody else. Enjoy it before it's gone." I go back and forth several times a day between happy thoughts and sad ones. Every once and awhile I think, "I'm so over it. Everything is going to be fine. There is nothing to be sad about." Weeks will pass, and then the tug of war in my head begins again.
Lately, when a negative thought comes, I really reach deep. I don't let that thought go until I inspect it carefully. I think , "What am I so worried about. Really...what is it?" He may reach some developmental milestones more slowly. So what? He may not be like everyone else's kids. Who cares? When I really dig deep and try to figure out what there is to be sad about, I come up empty. There IS nothing to be sad about.
I recently saw a blog about a toddler with Down syndrome. The day after I clicked "follow" on her blog, she put up her last post, entitled "Moving On." She said at this point in life he "is just one of our kids, and Down syndrome isn't the focal point...as it once was." I want to be there. I am getting closer. Just not there quite yet.