Tuesday, November 16, 2010

I can't believe Levi is almost six months old. What a ride it has been already. I went back and looked at some of the pictures from his first few days (pictures I haven't shared until now). He was NOT an attractive baby, and I had so many fears swirling around in my head. It is amazing to look back, remember where I was, and think of all the strides we have already made as a family. I was worried people wouldn't want to be around him, but I have seen family and friends fall madly in love with this special little boy. People are drawn to him. I have wrapped my branches even tighter around the roots that Wes's strength has always provided for me. The deepness of love this man is capable of is something I have always sensed very distinctly. I could feel his serious compassion and his deep concern for children, but now that hidden area of his soul has come out and is walking around in the open. It fills me up to be a part of that.

I have feared. I have accepted. I have learned so much about something I THOUGHT I knew a little about. Do I still wonder if I'll ever have an empty nest? Sure. Do I ask myself if I am doing enough for Levi? Every day. Does my chest tighten when I consider what his IQ or speech patterns will be like? Absolutely. But the thing that I have finally come to accept is that yes, this little boy was meant for me. I was chosen to be his mom, and he was given to the family that is just right for him.

Levi, I am sorry being afraid while we waited for your diagnosis. I am sorry for even a second of hoping it wasn't true, of hoping you were something other than all that you are. I am sorry for not knowing what you would come to mean to me in such a short period of time. You are giving me a new purpose in life, and you are making all of us around you better human beings. I promise to give you all I've got, baby boy...you are beautiful. (Scroll to the bottom of the page & pause the music player before playing the video)


(The song is "Beautiful" by Mercy Me.)

8 comments :

Leah said...

Beautiful entry, beautiful baby, just beautiful! :)

C-Tay said...

loved this ... great song choice too!! speaking of the song, as i turned the video on i realized the song was playing on Ethan's radio also!

Anonymous said...

I love the honesty reflected in this post. I have the same feelings and will probably continue to have them until I see the little man my little bitty is meant to be. Never worry about if you're doing enough for Levi. You are doing more than enough and he's lucky to have you (yeah, I said it). Special kids come to special people. Just accept it. Your family is exceptional, wonderful and special. Keep educating people on just how beautiful and special he really is. Love you momma! KH

Wool Winder said...

Beautifully said. My heart is touched by your expression of love.

Kristy Vernon said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Wendi Jamison said...

He is a source of smiles for everyone that come in contact with him. He has a special gift to give to the world.

Momma Jorje said...

Thank you so much for being so openly honest with your feelings here for all the world to see.

Jody said...

Hello there, I am. Mother of 4. My youngest is almost 9 months old and he has down syndrome. Hr is such a blessing from God. His name is Levi also.